Your favorite joke

[james]

Please share your favorite or one of your favorite jokes, or one you’ve heard lately. I’m dating myself with this one.

A man walked in to a Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, the barber asks “What’s up?” The man proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome. “ROME?!” says the barber, “Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of mafiosos! You’d be crazy to go to Rome!

So how ya getting there?” “We’re taking TWA” the man replies. “TWA?!” yells the barber. “They’re a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late!

So where you staying in Rome?” The man says “We’ll be at the downtown International Marriot.” “That DUMP?!” says the barber. “That’s the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they’re overpriced!

So whatcha doing when you get there?” The man says “We’re going to go see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope.” “HA! That’s rich!” laughs the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on THIS trip. You’re going to need it!”

A month later, the man comes in for his regular haircut. The barber says, “Well, how did that trip to Rome turn out? Bet TWA gave you the worst flight of your life!” “No, quite the opposite” explained the man. “Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendent who waited on me hand and foot!”

“Hmmm,” says the barber , “Well, I bet the hotel was just like I described.” “No, quite the opposite! They just finished a $25 million remodeling. Its the finest hotel in Rome, now. They were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential suite for no extra charge!”

“Well,” the barber mumbles, “I KNOW you didn’t get to see the Pope!” “Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, after 5 minutes the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.” Impressed, the barber pleads, “Tell me, please! What did he say?” “He just said: Where did you get that awful haircut?'”

[Kawai]

I had to look it up to tell it right but it’s a winner and always makes me laugh

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.
The man says “Oh just a beer”.
The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong, why are you so down today?”.
The man said “My wife and i got into a fight, and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”.
The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”?
The man said “Well the month is up tonight”.

[Zizou]

I could never have a favorite joke 🙁

[james]

At a strip club, two cowboys were talking about sex. The first says “I like the rodeo position!”

“I havent heard of that…” says the other cowboy, “what is it?”

“Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. Then reach round and cup both of her breasts and whisper ‘these feel just like your sisters’ and try and hold on for 8 seconds!”

[Author]

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